dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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