he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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