Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
