Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
