Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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