i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
