my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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