im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
