Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
