His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just tell him i said nine months
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I did not marry a roomba.
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