have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There r osticjed everywhere
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
