his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize