I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
