Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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