Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
