He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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