My liver just broke up with me...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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