She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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