you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
