You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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