wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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