he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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