My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
