I just saw a hot homeless man
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
