I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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