whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
