peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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