Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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