so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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