were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
