how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
