Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
