I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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