you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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