did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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