Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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