there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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