margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
