Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
