Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found your dick twin last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
