Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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