Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
