She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Randomize
