last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
