And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
