the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i've created a new STD.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize