so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
