I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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