No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
