I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
