meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
