he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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