There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
