mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
