Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
