I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
