Soap is not a condiment
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
