I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
