They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
