it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
