bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
