Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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