fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
