I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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