What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
